When Kelly and I got married (way back in 1989), we thought it would be “cool” to write our own marriage vows. I’m not sure whose idea it originally was or exactly the reasoning behind the decision, but I’m pretty sure we didn’t think through the whole “vow” thing when we did it. To take a “vow” is a pretty substantial act (or, at least, it should be) and the framing of the vow should reflect its importance. In other words, if something is important enough to vow about, the way the vow is said should reflect that. I suspect that as Kel and I were gearing up for our wedding we didn’t think it through that much!
Now as a pastor, I try to help engaged couples think through their vows. What they say before God and in the presence of such an important gathering of witnesses should encapsulate, as much as possible, the significance of what they are doing.
While writing your own vows can be incredibly meaningful, there are reasons why the “traditional vows” are, well, traditional. They have stood the test of time; they have well-captured the essence of marriage in a way that is as meaningful today as in the ages before.
I, Henry, take you Kelly to be my wife,
And I promise, before God and these witnesses,
To be your loving and faithful husband
In plenty and in want;
In joy and in sorrow;
In sickness and in health;
As long as we both shall live.
As a marriage is to reflect God’s covenant relationship with His people (see Ephesians 5), so these vows are to reflect the commitment God has made to us. As a husband loves his wife, so God loves His Church … and the vows reflect that.
(1) “I take you, Kelly.”—notice the individual nature of this. So God is personally and individually committed to each one of us.
(2) “I promise”—this is a decision of my will, I determine to do so. So with our Lord—He has willed to take us to Himself as His bride.
(3) “before God and witnesses”—I am calling on God to keep me accountable to my promise. So God vows on His own name, for there is nothing greater (Hebrews 6:13), to keep His promises to us.
(4) “loving and faithful”—the practical outcome of my vow. So, God promises to bless, care, redeem, sanctify, glorify.
(5) “plenty/want; joy/sorrow; etc.”—but, what if it gets difficult? Will you realize that I’m actually not worth it? No, never! For I have vowed. So, Jesus, when confronted by our sin does not abandon us … He sacrifices Himself for us!
(6) “as long as we live”—this vow is not limited, but lasts. So with Christ, His marriage to His bride continues as long as He lives … into eternity!
The Bible uses marriage imagery throughout to capture our relationship with our Savior—and we are well blessed because of the richness of this imagery.
In preparation for worship this week, read Mark 10:1-16.
- In verse 1, Mark notes that it was Jesus’ “custom” to teach … what does that say about the kind of ministry Jesus pursued? How does that translate for us? What might be different?
- In verse 2, we learn that the pharisees were trying to trap Jesus (or “test” Him) with this question regarding marriage/divorce. What is the trap/test here?
- Why does Jesus bring up Moses? What is His point here? What do we learn about Moses, God, the Pharisees and Jesus given their response about the certificate of divorce (verses 4-5)?
- Why does Jesus go back to Genesis, the creation of marriage, here? What is His point in making this distinction between Moses and the creation story?
- What is Jesus’s logic in verse 11? How can it be adultery if they are divorced? This seems contradictory … what might His point be?
by Henry Knapp